I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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