apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
