we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Randomize
