i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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