i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
