I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
