my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
