just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
