I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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