bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
