I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
