I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
