i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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