My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it was like eating out sand paper
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
