Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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