weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize