Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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