Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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