I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
