i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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