So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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