I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
