why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize