"it" just moved
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
