if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize