I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
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