if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
