I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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