You just made me feel so damn special
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
