Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
