i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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