I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
