the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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