Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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