the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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