I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
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On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
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If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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