My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
