no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
