i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
