Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
