it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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