We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I can't turn off my feet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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