would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
false alarm, still single
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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