I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
