I'm sorry my penis didn't work
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
