Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
