Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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