I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
