I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
