we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
