Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
