it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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