Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
