So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
