I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize